I love this little "button." No, I'm not saying that I've made another person, I just like it.
I've struggled throughout my life trying to figure out what I want to do when I "grow up." Not finishing my criminal justice degree has been this dark cloud over me.In the middle of the night last night, after being woken up by a wee one that had a bad dream and then proceeded to wiggle his way into our bed, I had a "revelation."
My mom was great at saving school and church work that we did when we were little. Many of those worksheets asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was almost exclusively "a mom." But, for some reason, that doesn't count. When visiting with the high school guidance counselor I was encouraged to find a career and when I couldn't come up with something, I was given some career counseling. It matched my personality with a suitable career.
No joke - the "test" ALWAYS matched me with being a Funeral Director or Mortician. No joke. I guess the "test" couldn't figure out that I really didn't like people or interacting with them so decided to surround me with dead and alive people. Yay!
It all came down to wanting to be a mom, though. Then I was thrust into college where I had to declare a major. I was frantic to find something ANYTHING that I could later use as a career.
But I wanted to be a mom. So, I decided on criminal justice. I'm not sorry I chose that. It's a big part of my personality and I learned a lot. But really, I wanted to be a mom. So, perhaps that's why I never finished, because how the heck am I going to use a criminal justice degree when all I wanted was to be a mom? Although, I must say it has come in handy when watching episode after episode of CSI.
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A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend whose last child just started all-day school. I asked her what her plans were (if any) now that all the children were gone a good portion of the day. She looked at me and said, "I have no idea." She continued to explain that she would like to go back to work in the field she had her degree in, but that she hadn't stepped foot in the field in 10 years while she was a stay-at-home mom. She would have to go back to school and essentially get another degree since her field had changed so drastically since she left. What a shame! All of that previous effort, work and money now down the drain! And now she's left with that "deer in the headlights" look and very few options.
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Back to my revelation that I had last night . . . I have truly struggled with what I want to be when I grow up. But last night I realized that all this time I had become what I always wanted to be! A MOM!! But it seems society (?) doesn't really count that as "being something" or something to aspire to . . . something to work toward . . . something to be good at. No, instead we should be aspiring to be doctors, paralegals, managers, landscapers, engineers, etc.
Now, I am NOT discounting getting an education and finding your own career path, but I am perplexed that being a mom doesn't have a degree associated with it. Of course, you don't NEED a degree to be a mom, but there are some skills I would desperately love to have - skills that could be bundled up into some sort of degree program . . . skills that would help the entire family, skills that would make me a better mom. I get that there are "homemaking" type degrees, but they seem to not give you the skills to be successful at being a stay-at-home mom that is even able to contribute financially to the family income without having to leave the home. I often feel badly that I can't contribute financially (even in a small way). These are some skills I wish were offered in the Stay-At-Home Mom degree:
1. Haircutting. What a genius skill! Not only could I cut my own family's hair, but I could cut other's hair as well and make a little money doing it! I saved by cutting my family's hair and I made money selling my service to others. How is that not just awesome?
2. Car repair. Can you imagine the savings if I knew how to fix cars? We would have 2 (maybe more!) working cars right now instead of one. Also, there's a huge savings in doing the maintenance work myself - oil changes, what not.
3. Teaching. I like the idea of being a teacher because once your children are in school, you could go ahead and be a teacher - keeping the same hours as your children.
4. Music lessons. How about teaching piano or guitar from your home? How about being able to teach your children so you don't have to pay for lessons?
5. Anger management. You know. . . just because.
6. Fielding questions from left field gracefully (Do monkeys eat ham?).
7. Dealing with marriage stresses.
There are a ton others, too. I wish that when someone says they want to grow up to be a wife and mother, that those desires are taken seriously and the that individual is then given the skills necessary to be successful, instead of asking, "no really, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
**I totally understand the need for an education, however, it's such a shame that after the kids are in school, you're left empty handed because you've been out of the work force so long that you'd have to relearn everything. It's also a shame that we tend to get degrees that interest us (as it should be) but have very little effect or skill set that will help us in our current situation. I mean, seriously, what would I do with a criminal justice degree? How does that help me now? How would it help me when the kids are in school (because I'd really like to keep the same schedule as the kids so I'm home when they are).
Also, I know of friends that have degrees that actually use them now. Their line of work is flexible enough that they are able to keep their foot in the door. I think that's awesome. It doesn't mean they're working all the time, but perhaps can work from home, going into work once or twice a week, but essentially keeping that option open for when a time comes that they will be able to work more in their field or for some reason have to.
**I'm just saying - there has to be a better way. There has to be a way to have the skill set for being a stay-at-home mom and being able to create a little income or be able to save scads (by fixing your own vehicle, for example) and then once your children are up and gone to then be able to go out in the work force without having to redo your degree or without being the wrinkly old lady who sweeps up at McDonald's.
7 comments:
I truly believe (and I've said this many times before) that any and all education makes us better adults and parents IN GENERAL. While you might not specifically apply criminal justice to your everyday family life, living on your own away at college probably taught you independence, responsibility, budgeting, and many other things to prepare you for running your own household. Being a student in ANY capacity probably taught you discipline, good study habits, to be a better reader/writer, etc. Don't all of these things get used everyday in adult life, spousal relationships, and especially parenting? (Not that you can't gain those skills without an education, but do you see where I'm going here? The experience helped you gain them, probably gain them faster, and solidify them. These are all of the benefits that come in ADDITION to simply just a job or salary benefits.) And better yet, because you have those skills now, you can better pass them along to your children. I may never work again in a way that NEEDS my degree (although who knows, maybe I will) but I will forever be grateful that I have it because simply THE ACT OF WORKING TOWARDS IT made me a better mother. It was not a waste and never will be. In the same way, being a "mom" is not a waste of our formal educations, degree or not.
ahem...stepping down from soapbox now...
Focus on what you DO have, what you HAVE accomplished, and how far you got. If you feel the need to do more later, you can! If you change to something completely different, so what? It's not necessarily about the destination, the destination can be great, but it's my opinion that the journey brings just as many blessings. :D
I totally agree Amy! Not only do you gain formal education, but life experience as well!
My big beef is that I wish that I had been "guided" to careers that were COMPATIBLE with being a stay-at-home mom. How nice would it be to be able to help out financially when the going gets tough. Or just to merely have my foot in the door with a job that I could resume once my children were out of the house. I don't discount education AT ALL. I think everyone should do it and do it well. And like I said, not finishing my degree has really been a dark cloud over me.
But, if I were to do it all over again, I'd seriously be a mechanic. Maybe not - but I'd focus on things that I could do FROM HOME.
I'm not looking at this entirely from a "what will make me a better person/mother/wife" perspective but more from a financial/career perspective - where there is very little guidance to those who want to be moms and how they could make money from home.
I remember reading about a prophet's mother who would sew to make ends meet and to bring in a little more cash flow.
I didn't finish my comment . . . I don't see an issue with bringing in a little cash flow . . . I just wish I knew when I started my schooling, that there were skills I could be learning that I would be able to use when I was a stay-at-home mom that would make a little money. OR that there was some sort of list out there of careers/jobs that you could do at home (like doing hair, fixing cars, etc.).
For some reason, I remember all those tests and that they did seem to end in tending to some form of "death" with you. Too funny.
I remember sitting in a doctor's office, a "Specialist" in the field of miscarriage. Whenever I asked a seemingly simple question, this genius (he really was - I am not being facicious in any way) would rattle off at least 4 to 5 studies that have been done over the years and the findings. Each study were somehow related to my question. He left it to me to draw the conclusion. I specificially remember one time when I was concentrating so hard on trying to take in all the data that I thought "Boy, I sure am grateful to all those science classes I had to take in college." Seriously...Processing data while pregnant is not that easy.
I think that college is not so much about "the degree" as it is about "the experience." Like you pointed out (anger management - Do you remember some of our roomies???), I learned so much about myself, how to be responsible, the consequences of being irresponsible, how to interact and problem solve with other people (sometimes crazy people), how to manage my time and money, etc.
If I had to to it over again, I'd do it differently. I was in such a rush to "finish" that I didn't enjoy the journey very much. I took classes because they fit with my work schedule or they were in the same vicinity on campus, not because I really, really wanted to take that class or study with that particular teacher. I'd like to encourage my children to enjoy the journey a bit more and not be so concerned with the destination.
And don't tell me you never had to follow a blood trail as a mother. :-) Maybe your kids aren't technically "criminals," but figuring out "who done it" is just part of the daily fabric of a mother's life.
I can't deny that I have used my education and that I learned valuable life skills along the way (yes, anger management - I won't mention any names). I would do it differently as well. Hindsight is 20/20.
BUT, I'm all about the money. I wish those skills translated into DOLLAR SIGNS.
I see what everybody is saying but I understand what you're saying too. I think you need to start your own School for Moms. A six-month crash course in everything you need to know. Include all the stuff you mentioned, budgeting, haircutting, marriage relations etc. (But anger management? Gee, I have no idea what you're talking about. *cough*) I also suggest courses in child development, discipline, frugality, basic cooking, etc. Put together a textbook with things like easy recipes, crafts that don't require four hours of prep time, and tips on cleaning throw up off the carpet. Charge a modest tuition, hold classes while your kids are in school, and boom! The Roccy School of Homemaking Awesomeness is in business!!!
I like Donna's idea..."Roccy's school for moms" I can see it now.
No seriously, that was a very great/thought provoking /interesting post to read. And I enjoyed reading the comments too.
What I have to say is, THAT'S WHY MOTHERS ARE SAINTS! The reason why we are so darn amazing is because we do the world's most important work WITH OUT GETTING PAID A DIME FOR DOING IT! We just have to remember that our pay off is down the road in having our kids be good members of society when they grow up. -Read Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book called, "In Praise of Stay-at-home Moms." It'll really make you feel good about staying home. (Well sometimes I felt guilty about not being better or doing enough with my kids, but it did inspire me to do better.)
And I totally hear ya about making a little cash from home. When I graduated highschool, I seriously considered going to school to cut hair. I've been kicking myself in the pants for the past 6 years for not doing it. Not only would I be able to cut my own kids hair, but I would've been able to cut during naptimes to help make a little cash all this time that Ian's been in school. "Coulda, woulda, shoulda."
Well I better get back to work, I'm pretty sure June's been playing IN the toilet for about 5 minutes now.
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