I love this little "button." No, I'm not saying that I've made another person, I just like it.
I've struggled throughout my life trying to figure out what I want to do when I "grow up." Not finishing my criminal justice degree has been this dark cloud over me.
In the middle of the night last night, after being woken up by a wee one that had a bad dream and then proceeded to wiggle his way into our bed, I had a "revelation."
My mom was great at saving school and church work that we did when we were little. Many of those worksheets asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was almost exclusively "a mom." But, for some reason, that doesn't count. When visiting with the high school guidance counselor I was encouraged to find a career and when I couldn't come up with something, I was given some career counseling. It matched my personality with a suitable career.
No joke - the "test" ALWAYS matched me with being a Funeral Director or Mortician. No joke. I guess the "test" couldn't figure out that I really didn't like people or interacting with them so decided to surround me with dead and alive people. Yay!
It all came down to wanting to be a mom, though. Then I was thrust into college where I had to declare a major. I was frantic to find something ANYTHING that I could later use as a career.
But I wanted to be a mom. So, I decided on criminal justice. I'm not sorry I chose that. It's a big part of my personality and I learned a lot. But really, I wanted to be a mom. So, perhaps that's why I never finished, because how the heck am I going to use a criminal justice degree when all I wanted was to be a mom? Although, I must say it has come in handy when watching episode after episode of CSI.
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A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend whose last child just started all-day school. I asked her what her plans were (if any) now that all the children were gone a good portion of the day. She looked at me and said, "I have no idea." She continued to explain that she would like to go back to work in the field she had her degree in, but that she hadn't stepped foot in the field in 10 years while she was a stay-at-home mom. She would have to go back to school and essentially get another degree since her field had changed so drastically since she left. What a shame! All of that previous effort, work and money now down the drain! And now she's left with that "deer in the headlights" look and very few options.
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Back to my revelation that I had last night . . . I have truly struggled with what I want to be when I grow up. But last night I realized that all this time I had become what I always wanted to be! A MOM!! But it seems society (?) doesn't really count that as "being something" or something to aspire to . . . something to work toward . . . something to be good at. No, instead we should be aspiring to be doctors, paralegals, managers, landscapers, engineers, etc.
Now, I am NOT discounting getting an education and finding your own career path, but I am perplexed that being a mom doesn't have a degree associated with it. Of course, you don't NEED a degree to be a mom, but there are some skills I would desperately love to have - skills that could be bundled up into some sort of degree program . . . skills that would help the entire family, skills that would make me a better mom. I get that there are "homemaking" type degrees, but they seem to not give you the skills to be successful at being a stay-at-home mom that is even able to contribute financially to the family income without having to leave the home. I often feel badly that I can't contribute financially (even in a small way). These are some skills I wish were offered in the Stay-At-Home Mom degree:
1. Haircutting. What a genius skill! Not only could I cut my own family's hair, but I could cut other's hair as well and make a little money doing it! I saved by cutting my family's hair and I made money selling my service to others. How is that not just awesome?
2. Car repair. Can you imagine the savings if I knew how to fix cars? We would have 2 (maybe more!) working cars right now instead of one. Also, there's a huge savings in doing the maintenance work myself - oil changes, what not.
3. Teaching. I like the idea of being a teacher because once your children are in school, you could go ahead and be a teacher - keeping the same hours as your children.
4. Music lessons. How about teaching piano or guitar from your home? How about being able to teach your children so you don't have to pay for lessons?
5. Anger management. You know. . . just because.
6. Fielding questions from left field gracefully (Do monkeys eat ham?).
7. Dealing with marriage stresses.
There are a ton others, too. I wish that when someone says they want to grow up to be a wife and mother, that those desires are taken seriously and the that individual is then given the skills necessary to be successful, instead of asking, "no really, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
**I totally understand the need for an education, however, it's such a shame that after the kids are in school, you're left empty handed because you've been out of the work force so long that you'd have to relearn everything. It's also a shame that we tend to get degrees that interest us (as it should be) but have very little effect or skill set that will help us in our current situation. I mean, seriously, what would I do with a criminal justice degree? How does that help me now? How would it help me when the kids are in school (because I'd really like to keep the same schedule as the kids so I'm home when they are).
Also, I know of friends that have degrees that actually use them now. Their line of work is flexible enough that they are able to keep their foot in the door. I think that's awesome. It doesn't mean they're working all the time, but perhaps can work from home, going into work once or twice a week, but essentially keeping that option open for when a time comes that they will be able to work more in their field or for some reason have to.
**I'm just saying - there has to be a better way. There has to be a way to have the skill set for being a stay-at-home mom and being able to create a little income or be able to save scads (by fixing your own vehicle, for example) and then once your children are up and gone to then be able to go out in the work force without having to redo your degree or without being the wrinkly old lady who sweeps up at McDonald's.
